Breastfeeding - The Ugly Truth (Part Deux)

Remember this post?

The update? Sadly to say, things are pretty much the same. Except the bleeding crack is almost healed, but the pain during breastfeeding is still there.

Since getting back to work, I managed to pump about 10-12 ounce everyday, plus another 5-6 ounce that I pumped in the wee hours before going to work, so that totaled up to almost 18 ounce per day which is more than enough for my little baby during daytime. I can't seem to pump more than 10 mins, it would get to painful, so I have to use Marmet technique (hand express) to really empty the breast.

I have about 200 ounce of expressed breast milk stored, so I am not really worried about stocking up. I've given up on wearing normal bra, as I would suffer from blocked ducts EVERYTIME. And the blocked ducts will lead to milk blisters, and will worsen the condition of the nipple.

I'm also beginning to understand my baby better now, and I don't breastfeed her when she doesn't want to nurse. You know how the situation is, every time the baby is crying, people around you will most probably said that the baby is hungry and wants to nurse. Well, not my baby. Sometimes she just wants to be cuddled and just wants attention.

Since last month, my baby has developed a great sleeping pattern. I can bring her to our room as early as 8pm, breastfeed her and she'll only wake up twice (1-2am and 4-5am) to nurse again. She'll wake up around 7am, just nice for me to bring her downstairs and get ready for work.

I'm somewhat blessed because despite the pain during breastfeeding, my baby doesn't really like to do the comfort sucking, she just gets whatever she wants and let go. :)

People have been asking me, how long do I plan to continue breastfeeding my baby with all this pain? I really don't know. I guess as long as she wants it, and as long as I can handle the pain without resorting to painkillers to lessen the pain :)

Review on FPP Putrajaya Hospital

I'm trying my best to be neutral here. However, this review is based on my experience and my humble opinion only.

I have really high hopes upon checking in at the hospital. I dreamt of a single room where hubby and me could spend hours admiring our newborn baby and visitors can come and go as they please.

Well, that did not happen. First of all, the single room were not available anymore. I had to share a room with another patient (luckily, she's a wonderful roommate) BUT, I had to pay the normal room fee which is RM300 per night. I was pissed, but thank god this happen while I was still pregnant, so I took a deep breath, don't want to put too much stress on myself and just said okay.

The room was exactly like the normal ward, except that it was carpeted instead of the usual tiles. There was not much space and it felt stuffy at times. And, visitors still have to abide by the visiting hours which is 12.00pm to 2pm and 4pm to 8pm.

As for the service, it was great. The nurses were great and Dr Hamidah was a dream doctor. I'm really amazed by her stamina and energy because she had like 11 cases per day, and to top that off, she had been on-call since the day before. For a tiny little person that she is, she sure can carry a lot of responsibility.

Dr Hamidah explained every procedure to me. That is one more noticeable difference between the normal public service (which I experience giving birth to Sara) and this FPP thingy.

One more large difference is that, normal public service requires the patient to go to a special common room for any procedure (yes, including the painful dilation checking). Well, for FPP, you don't even have to move. The nurses and doctors will come to you :)

Upon checking out, I estimated my bill would be less than 2k, as I didn't require any extra procedure (no epidural, no vacuum etc..). BUT, my bill amounted to RM2,054.20. The two things that I was most dissatisfied was the charge on "consultation fee (after-office hours)" RM360 and "obstetrical procedures spontaneous vertex" RM600. I mean, I was in the ward for two days; why do you have to visit me outside of the normal office hours and charge that to my account? And, I was already charged on the labour room, ward, lab, medicines and consultation, surely the procedure of giving birth itself is already covered right?

My roommate, who had a c-sect, had a bill of RM3,500 which I think was a very reasonable price for the procedure. But, whatever it is, I think the service was well worth it and I'd recommend FPP for those who wanted to deliver in public hospital. And it does state on the bill that the charge is not final, so I guess I could have argued about the charged if I wanted to, which I don't.

Sara is THREE!!

My little angel turned three last January. And only now I had the time to properly update on her. She is such a joy to be with, simply because she is such a chatterbox, and the things she said, the stories she tells, is very engaging. She has a very high imagination, and she loves to pretend talk on her imaginary handphone (she has two of those, black and pink) with her imaginary friends (Aurora, Jasmine or Ariel - yes, the Disney princesses)

She also has her moments that makes me want to rip her my hair off. Sometimes, she refuses to bathe in the evening, or hit me/my mum for no reason, or talk rudely to us, or the most annoying of all, pooped in her pants. Oy! I've had enough of her antics one time, and I said that I'd lock her outside the house if she pooped in her pants again. Do you know what she said?

"Nevermind. Sara not scared. Actually can poo-poo in the pants" Oh, really? Grrrrr.....

I left her outside and locked the grill door, and she cried her heart out. Hehe...I let her cry for about two minutes then I brought her in, put her on the toilet, and leave her to do her "big business". Heh. While I was washing her and put her clothes back on, I told her the reason I was mad, and that she shouldn't do that (pooped in her pants) anymore. She tearfully agree.

Once, she refuses to bathe, I scolded her, and I end up crying with her in the bathroom. In my defense, I was really tired that time and my emotions took the best of me ;p Both of us cried, said our sorries and hugged for the longest time...hehe...

We had sooo much fun during my long maternity leave (3 months plus) and she even said "Mummy, I love you very much when you take leave from work for so long" I asked whether she'd still love me when I return to work and she kept quiet. So, I had to explain to her that I will still play with her, go out with her but I need to go to work to pay for the house, car and other bills. She doesn't quite understand, so I told her I need to go to work to get money to buy her chocolate and that, she does comprehend ;)

Physically, she does NOT look like a three year old. She looked at least 5yo and she can even wear 7-8yo clothing. She weighs 22kgs and 105cm tall. Oh, she also refuses to cut her hair and she doesn't want to wear certain clothes (collared shirt) because she said it make her look like a boy.

I haven't sent her to any school or nursery because she repeatedly told me she doesn't want to go to school. Besides, she's just three :) But, she already knows all alphabets (capital letter and small letter) and can write from A to I, R, T, N, O, P (capital letter only).

She loves to read out loud any letters that we encounter. She seems interested in spelling and she always try to spell things (TRY is the operative word here). Because, when she saw me wearing a t-shirt that says "ASTRO", she'd go "Mummy...A...S...T...R...O....T-shirt?" Haha, no my dear, not t-shirt.

Or, she'd go "P...R....E...M...I...E...R.....tissue?" (the brand of our tissue is PREMIER).
Or, "T....E....N....biscuit?" (my dad bought her Ten10 biscuits)
Never fails to make us laugh, that kid ;)

She's not scared of strangers anymore, and can really converse with people (as long as you talk in English with her, she doesn't speak much Malay but she understands it). Sometimes, she'd say "Mummy, today I want to talk in Malay" and I'd say ok. It's sooo funny watching her try to talk in Malay because she'd go:

"Mummy, mari kita...umm..ummm...apa tu...apa tu..."
"Tell me what you want to say in English and I'll tell you the word in Malay"
"Find"
"Oh, cari"
"Ok, Mummy mari kita cari the toys"
"Toys is mainan in Malay"
"Ok, mari kita cari mainan Sara"

The funniest thing ever is when we agreed to talk in Malay during dinner time, and then I asked her to read doa makan (she knows how to recite doa makan since 2yo), so I was really surprised when she just kept still and quiet. "Sara, recite doa makan. You know how to recite doa makan kan?" And do you know what she replies? "But I don't know how to recite doa makan in Malay" Hahahaha...


She loves her sister very much. She does get jealous from time to time but she'd never hurt her sister and she was always so gentle with her. Sometimes, I caught her saying really random things to her sister "Dina, when you grow up, we don't cut our hair ok? We must keep our hair long, like Ciksu and Cikngah. Don't cut your hair short like Mummy ok?" *__*

And, she loves to imitate Dina (yup, the elder daughter loves to imitate the younger daughter). Once, she came beside me and said "Mummy, come lie down beside Sara. I want to tell story to you" I happily agree and what she did was "rrrrrr....brrrrr....brrrr..." (you know the sound that baby makes when they are cooing and babbling?) Yup, she's imitating her sister.

Or, she would suddenly go on all fours, crawling to me and doing the baby sound. She even asked to drink my milk because "Dina said it tasted like chocolate". She asked me to put the milk that I pumped into a cup, because she wanted to taste it. Hehe.

My dear Sara, you never fail to amaze me with the things you said and discover, and even though sometimes I got really tired answering your endless questions, please know that I am forever thankful you chose to voice them out, rather than keeping it all in. The last three months is really special because I get to spent each waking moments with you, and we have become friends, instead of just mother and daughter. Love you, kiddo!

The VERY belated second birthday

Sara is going to be three tomorrow. I better get this post done before that :p

We held her second birthday sometime in January last year. I think it was 8th or 9th of January 2010. We had a small ceremony, as it was quite a last minute occasion. I had planned for sort of a cupcake-themed birthday and we made it happen even with the short amount of time we had to prepare.

We made cupcake shaped goodie bag for the guests, my mom sew cupcake shape on Sara's tutu dress, we even have a cupcake station (where the children can decorate their own cupcakes). I tried to make her a giant cupcake red velvet cake, but the cake looks like a giant glob of something (definitely not the shape of a cupcake). Oh well, at least it tasted delicious.

Sara was a bit quiet at first because she just woke up from her nap but later, returned to her happy self. I know she won't remember the details of her birthday (she doesn't even care about the cupcake theme and whatnot), but it makes me satisfied that I've tried to provide her with everything I can even though it was a far cry from the image of cupcake party I had in my head.

We had a blast and my mom forbade me from ever again having a cupcake party because the icing on the carpet was sooo hard to clean. Everybody had fun, and that's what matters most, no? :)

Circle-circle thing

About two months ago, my cousin came with her baby boy to our house. She changed her baby's diaper in front of Sara.

Sara just watched her and didn't say anything at the time. Last month, while we were talking together, Sara asked me:

"Mummy, remember the other day Mak Lin came to our house with the baby to see Dina?"

"Yes, I remember"

"Then, Mak Lin changed the baby's pampers kan?"

"Yes"

"Why the baby got circle-circle thing?"

"Circle-circle thing?"

"Yes, circle-circle thing. Here" pointing to her private parts.

Oh. That circle-circle thing. Apparently, she's referring to the baby's ehem, testicle.

Haha, what would you answer to that?

Rapunzel in the making :)

Yeah, I know...Look at the hair...so thick right? :)

Adelya Qasdina - The Birth Story

Okay, now that I think I am in a better state of mind (but still experiencing the sharp piercing pain from breastfeeding), I am finally ready to tell this chapter of my life story.

My labor experience was a beautiful one. I had what they would call a precipitate labor (very rapid labor. Oh, it comes with its own set of risks but thankfully, I didn't know about it beforehand).

"Short, Fast Labor (Precipitate Labor)

A precipitate labor is normally very short, lasting less than three hours. A precipitate labor has its own special problems and challenges. The duration of the labor may appeal to you, but you may not notice the signs of the labor in the latent phase thereby missing the early signs of labor. Suddenly, you will be thrown into active, hard labor without time to prepare psychologically. The first noticeable contractions can be long and crushingly intense, and accompanied by feelings of panic and confusion."

On 19th October 2011, I had to check myself in the hospital because I had not yet show any sign of delivery. Since I had diabetes, the doctor does not allow me to past my due date; which is 20th October 2011.

So, at 6.00am, 20th October 2011, I was induced. Nothing new there (because I experienced that with Sara) BUT, it did felt a little bit painful. I had two rounds of check-ups using the CTG machine, and my contractions are progressing. Great, that means I won't have to be induced for the second time.

At 2.30pm, Dr Hamidah came and my dilation was only at 3cm, so she asked me casually "Do you want to give birth today? I can help you if you do, but it will be a little painful". Hmm, well, okay doc, bring it on. She did the membrane sweep and yeah, it was painful. It did struck my mind that I was completely aware and alert of all the pain I'm feeling this time around. Back then, with Sara, I was blissfully ignorant.

The nurse told me that they would wheel me to the labour room at 3.30pm. I bathe, perform solat, recite a bit of Quran and walk around the ward to speed up my dilation.

3.40pm - reached the labour room and was attached to the CTG machine for 20 minutes. A doctor came and explained to me that I had to decide whether I'm going to take the epidural injection or not. I told her that the pain is still bearable, but I might change my mind if the pain gets worse. Hehe. She told me I had to decide there and then because my dilation was at 4cm and they had to book the doctor early. I politely decline. I have nothing against taking the epidural injection but the thought of having to poke a big-ass needle in between my spine is much more scarier than facing the contraction pain.

4.00 - 5.15pm - I drifted in and out of sleep. Oh, I did take the ethonox gas. Twice. Doesn't make much difference though. I think (for Muslim) you're better off reciting the "doa Nabi Yusof". At 5.15pm, the doctor thought that I might need another induction, so they hook me to the drip and injected painkillers on my hip. (Hey, that rhymes ;p)

-- What goes on from here onwards is really embarrassing for me. I, err...lost my cool (to put it mildly) but in my defence precipitate labour does cause panic and confusion (as explained in the orange font above ;p)--

5.30pm - Suddenly, I feel like something moved in my stomach, sort of like something fell down from my tummy to my uterus. And after that, came the excruciating pain. Whoa, this is not normal. I screamed to hubby "Get the nurse!!" and I was thrashing in the bed from the pain. (It was sooo embarrassing, I was literally thrashing and almost took out all the drips and machine they put on me).

The nurse came in and because I was that hysterical, she had to scream at me "PUAN! SABAR! JANGAN MACAM NI! TENGOK SAYA!". I remember thinking, if this is not the time yet, I want epidural. Now. The nurse checked my dilation and her face changes. She rushed out to call the doctor and everything, everyone moved sooo fast.

The nurse grabbed a hold of my hand "PUAN! TENGOK SAYA OK. KITA BUAT SAMA-SAMA. BILA SAYA CAKAP PUSH, PUAN TARIK NAFAS, DAGU SENTUH KE DADA, PUSH SEKUAT HATI." I was like, oh, its time? Now? I'm really giving birth?

I pushed twice, and the third time, the baby came out at exactly 5.45pm. And because there was no drugs on me this time (the painkiller have not yet taken effect), I was fully alert and aware of everything. I saw the baby came out, I can hear the suction thingy that they use on the baby and then they took the baby away (don't ask me, I really don't know why).

The doctor then told me that my baby came out with her fists first (like knocking the door) and she weighed 3.05kgs. She told me to relax my body because she's taking out the placenta. (hmm, I thought the placenta came out with the baby?) She pressed and massage the top bit of my tummy and the placenta safely came out.

I had first degree tear and there were stitches. But, it was not very painful (as compared to the contractions I felt earlier). And then, my baby was delivered back to me. And I fed her for the first time. And it hurts like hell. But, thank god that the painkillers have started to take effect so I was more sleepy than in pain.

The nurse came to check on me and she told me she's sorry for screaming at me. She said even she was panicked to see me "lost control" like that. Tee hee. I also said that I was sorry for losing it. And I thank her for grabbing a hold of the situation, even if it means screaming at me. See, who said that public nurses are grumpy? I think negative perception towards government/public hospitals are overrated.

So, there you have it...the story of how I lost my cool and delivered a beautiful bundle of joy. I think she looks exactly like her sister, but with much thicker and longer hair :)

Oh, when my hubby wheeled Dina to meet the rest of my family waiting outside the labor room, I can hear Sara screaming "Hey, I want to see my sister!" (because she was short and everybody else is blocking her view ;p)