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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The emotional Mother's Day..

This is the second time I got to celebrate Mother's Day but since I am away, so no special celebration or anything like that. Anyway, this year, I thought I'd jot down the kind of mum I'd like to be.

I'd like to be a mom like Lorelai (of Gilmore Girls). She's her daughter best friend, but still draws the line if needed to. But, I secretly think that I'm more of an uptight person, not to the extent of Bree (Desperate Housewives), but I do share some quality as hers.

What I really want to emulate is Bailey's (of Grey's Anatomy) style of parenting. She's focused on her job but still managed to provide full attention to her child.

One more resolution I have for this year, is to communicate better with my dear hubby. We do have our ups and downs, and I do take my share of the blame. I really, sincerely hope that we can communicate better, particularly in front of Sara because she's such a fast learner, I wouldn't want to set a bad example in front of her.

I know that this may be a wishful thinking, but I do want to be my daughter's best friend. I want her to be able to tell me anything. Even though I am pretty sure that I'll lose my temper A LOT, but I want to be the person she turned to, whenever she has problems.

I want to support her in every decision that she makes, I want to stop saying NO to every little request that she makes, I want to give her everything she wanted and beyond, I want to be so much and most importantly I want to be enough. For her.

I do sometimes wonder what if she likes another mommy figure more than me. Would I be okay with that? Would I resent the fact that somebody else is closer to my daughter than I am?

I want to be supportive but can I hold my temper when she does something wrong? Can I not yell at her when she fights with her siblings or cousins? Can I patiently answer her endless question?

Can I hold my breath and calm myself if she ever decided to throw tantrum in front of random people? Can I strain myself from resorting to hit her if she fights me back?

Can I be the mother she wanted? Can I provide all the love and care she need? Will my love be enough for her? Or would she want something more? More than me?

I guess my greatest fear of being a mom is that I will never be enough for her. I am afraid that she'll want more, more than what I am able to give. Gahh, this is emotional.

Being away from her especially on Mother's Day really hurts. Mummy misses you Sara, and Mummy can't wait to come back home.


MaMa IdRaKi said...

happy mother's day to u!!

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