The emotional Mother's Day..

This is the second time I got to celebrate Mother's Day but since I am away, so no special celebration or anything like that. Anyway, this year, I thought I'd jot down the kind of mum I'd like to be.

I'd like to be a mom like Lorelai (of Gilmore Girls). She's her daughter best friend, but still draws the line if needed to. But, I secretly think that I'm more of an uptight person, not to the extent of Bree (Desperate Housewives), but I do share some quality as hers.

What I really want to emulate is Bailey's (of Grey's Anatomy) style of parenting. She's focused on her job but still managed to provide full attention to her child.

One more resolution I have for this year, is to communicate better with my dear hubby. We do have our ups and downs, and I do take my share of the blame. I really, sincerely hope that we can communicate better, particularly in front of Sara because she's such a fast learner, I wouldn't want to set a bad example in front of her.

I know that this may be a wishful thinking, but I do want to be my daughter's best friend. I want her to be able to tell me anything. Even though I am pretty sure that I'll lose my temper A LOT, but I want to be the person she turned to, whenever she has problems.

I want to support her in every decision that she makes, I want to stop saying NO to every little request that she makes, I want to give her everything she wanted and beyond, I want to be so much and most importantly I want to be enough. For her.

I do sometimes wonder what if she likes another mommy figure more than me. Would I be okay with that? Would I resent the fact that somebody else is closer to my daughter than I am?

I want to be supportive but can I hold my temper when she does something wrong? Can I not yell at her when she fights with her siblings or cousins? Can I patiently answer her endless question?

Can I hold my breath and calm myself if she ever decided to throw tantrum in front of random people? Can I strain myself from resorting to hit her if she fights me back?

Can I be the mother she wanted? Can I provide all the love and care she need? Will my love be enough for her? Or would she want something more? More than me?

I guess my greatest fear of being a mom is that I will never be enough for her. I am afraid that she'll want more, more than what I am able to give. Gahh, this is emotional.

Being away from her especially on Mother's Day really hurts. Mummy misses you Sara, and Mummy can't wait to come back home.