Kickstart :)

After almost 2 months of blog hiatus, it is somewhat difficult to start writing again ;)

So, to help me kick-start, here's a list of random things I'm thinking about right now:

1. 1. Dina is 10 months old! She has 6 teeth and is able to stand up by herself but haven't begun walking yet.
   
   
2. 2. I went for an interview for something and......I failed, miserably. Pheww, typing that makes me feel relieved. Admitting this openly helps me to move on, I think..
   
   
3. 3. I've been breastfeeding Dina for the past 10 months. And haven't resort to formula milk yet. Yeay! Not an easy feat, but I made it. Will write a looonnnggg winding post on this. Hehe.
   
   
   
4. 4. My youngest sister got engaged and I couldn't be happier. Now, if only I can give out suggestions without sounding like a condescending sister I know she thinks I am, things will be much better :(
   
   
   
5. 5. I really need to send Sara to pre-school/kindy. She's been....well, progressing backwards. Its like she's determined to become the baby of the house, so she'll act more babyish than Dina. Oh, and she's back to wearing diapers now, because she's a BABY, remember? Duhh. Its not like we've been neglecting her or anything but this attitude of hers is starting to frustrate me. Hope she'll love school.
   
   
   
6. 6. I think me and hubby need to work out on our marriage. Or maybe I need to be more flexible. Or maybe he needs to change, or progress into something better. With age and responsibilities, I know I did progress. It just seems like I am already here (at the stage where we should be right now) but he is still stuck being the same man I married seven years ago.
   
   
7. 7. Oh, the floor of the living hall in my house broke. ALL OF IT. And its past the stipulated defect liability period. That's gonna leave a HUUUGGGEEEE hole in my pocket :(
   
   
   
8. 8. Dina is definitely not an easy baby. She makes me exasperated at times, but when she smiles her one-billion-dollar smile, or when her eyes twinkle their magical spark, or when she chuckle her musical baby laugh, I get all mushy inside and hugged her sooo tight until she pushes me away. Hihi.
   
   
9. 9. There are days when Sara is an absolute angel. No rude words, no pooping in the pants, no struggle during bath times that makes me reconsider point no 5.
   
   
   
10. 10. I think I really suck at getting my point across. See point no 2, 4 and 6. Yeah, need to work on that too...
    

Between Dina cutting her first tooth and my sudden drop in milk production :(

I've been having quite a rough couple of weeks. I was often tired, and in a constant bad mood. I felt feverish and had quite a few episode of stomach cramps. And I could only get about 5-6oz per session of pumping. My breastmilk stock is rapidly depleting and yes, I was stressed about it.

And then, I had some spotting, so I thought oh, maybe my milk dropped due to my fever and my first period. But, the pattern continues until yesterday, my period really came and boy oh boy...I've never felt so uncomfortable in my life. After 1 1/2 year of no menses, I was totally unprepared for it. Hello hormones, hello stomach cramps (whoever said that you won't get stomach cramps after giving birth is spewing total b*llsh*t..haha).

Anyways, on a more positive side, my baby has cut her first tooth. Actually it happened a month ago, but as usual, my laziness took the better of me :) She's awfully clingy and whiny but totally cute so that kinda makes up for it.

In a blink of an eye

November 2011...

Seven months later...

Time really does fly huh?

Little girl in heaven...

A very dear friend of mine lost her baby last Thursday. And it hit me really hard, because her baby was the same age as Dina, in fact they were born only 4 days apart.

Her baby passed away due to asphyxia, but doctors couldn't determine the source of breathing interruption. It was not because of the milk aspiration or anything blocking the airway, the baby just passed away peacefully in her sleep.

When I first found out, I thought it was just a sick joke somebody made up. Upon discovering that it was in fact true, my husband and I immediately went to her house in Balakong.

The first thing she said to me was that our babies are of the same age, we cried together and hugged for the longest time. She had just bought identical baju Raya for the kids and the most heartbreaking thing of all, is that she is still breastfeeding.

Despite her grief, I can see that she's trying to be strong for the sake of her elder daughter who is incidentally Sara's age. Before going back, she whispered to me "Please have a look at her, she's so beautiful" and my heart broke into a million pieces.

I gathered my strength, as I looked into the innocent and angelic little face. I gave her a little kiss on the cheek, being careful so that my tears won't drop on her. She was perfect, her face totally serene and at peace with everything.

Dear Azila, I know I can't say that I understand how you must be feeling, but please know that all of your friends are right here with you and we pray that you and your family will get through this.

Adlina Nur Farhana, even though your time is short in this world, you have brought joy and happiness to your umi, walid, kakak and all your family. Do not be sad, for you will be reunited in Heaven. Al-Fatihah.

Missing you...

I was supposed to be on leave today. And we were supposed to go back to Kuantan.

But due to some inconsiderate people creating the so-called peaceful rally, I had to be on duty yesterday. And I had to work today. Yawn.

So, we decided that only hubby and Sara will go back to Kuantan. I suggested it actually, I think it would be good for them, for the much needed father-daughter bonding time.

They went back by bus and I didn't send them to the bus station, for fear that Sara will cry and not wanting to go on the bus. I keep texting hubby to make sure a lot of things i.e making sure she had lunch/dinner/snacks, making sure she bathed/changed/pooped ;) and there was this one time, I called him just to make sure that he didn't leave Sara with strangers even though that person appear trustworthy. I think he got bored and a little pissed by the little faith that I have in him..haha

So, anyway, I have been avoiding talking to Sara, because I fear she'll cry but actually, deep down inside, I fear that she's having sooo much fun, she will not want to talk to me and she doesn't miss me. At all. :( But, last night, because I miss hearing her voice sooooooooooo much, I called her.

Me : Hello sayang...
Sara : *quiet for a while* MUMMMYYYYYY.....BABY WANT TO GO BACK TO MUMMY'S HOUSE....WAAAAAAA....WAAAAAA......
My husband quickly take the phone and tried to console her (They were at a shopping mall, eating ice-cream. Hehe.)

I got a little teary...because I miss her so bad. Hehe...its really different when I am the one leaving her (go outstation or whatever) compared to this sinking feeling when she's the one leaving me.

Sara, mummy misses you too...can't wait to see you tomorrow ;)

All About Dina

I admit, I'm guilty of the "second-child syndrome". Let's see, the label "Sara" in my blog has about 80 entries, whereas "Dina" only has 3 measly entries. Hehe. Okay, this entry is going to be all about Dina. I promise :). Hmm, let's see...she can now roll over (from both sides) successfully.

My baldy girl...this is her right after we shave off her locks

And this is her two days after...the hair grows back sooooo fast :)

Its true what they said that time flew by so fast when you have a baby. In the blink of an eye, my little baby is already 5 1/2 months and the best part is I'm still breastfeeding her. And its getting better, I can smile when I nurse her now, the pain is almost gone *big smile*. Both Dina and me, we have sacrificed a lot on this breastfeeding thing (she had to undergo the frenotomy procedure, I had to endure the prolong nipple pain) and I refuse to give up. So, here's to hoping this journey will continue until at least two years.

And oh, I've started her on solid food. A bit early, I know, but to each her own, okay :) Actually, I'd like to elaborate more on this. Almost every blog I read especially those hardcore breastfeeding momma insist on only giving breastmilk exclusively for the first six month. Well, I'm not that exclusive. Apart from breastfeeding Dina, I have occasionally spoon her with warm water especially when she has hiccups.

And I have manage to raise one healthy daughter before Dina, and I fed her with solid food at 5 months, I actually felt confident starting Dina on solid food (she's already 5 1/2 months). I do get "pressured" reading all the mommy blogger feeding their child with varieties of Annabel Karmel's recipe and whatnot but then, I stopped reading and decided to continue doing what I did with Sara. After all, she did grow up fine and healthy, right?

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Okay, all of the above was drafted two weeks ago...hehe...Now, Dina is already 6 months, and she's beginning to lift her bottom...getting herself ready to crawl :)

And, even though I promised this is going to be all about Dina, I couldn't resist putting up this pic...I think sisters in identical clothes are adorable... ;)

Breastfeeding - The Ugly Truth (Part Deux)

Remember this post?

The update? Sadly to say, things are pretty much the same. Except the bleeding crack is almost healed, but the pain during breastfeeding is still there.

Since getting back to work, I managed to pump about 10-12 ounce everyday, plus another 5-6 ounce that I pumped in the wee hours before going to work, so that totaled up to almost 18 ounce per day which is more than enough for my little baby during daytime. I can't seem to pump more than 10 mins, it would get to painful, so I have to use Marmet technique (hand express) to really empty the breast.

I have about 200 ounce of expressed breast milk stored, so I am not really worried about stocking up. I've given up on wearing normal bra, as I would suffer from blocked ducts EVERYTIME. And the blocked ducts will lead to milk blisters, and will worsen the condition of the nipple.

I'm also beginning to understand my baby better now, and I don't breastfeed her when she doesn't want to nurse. You know how the situation is, every time the baby is crying, people around you will most probably said that the baby is hungry and wants to nurse. Well, not my baby. Sometimes she just wants to be cuddled and just wants attention.

Since last month, my baby has developed a great sleeping pattern. I can bring her to our room as early as 8pm, breastfeed her and she'll only wake up twice (1-2am and 4-5am) to nurse again. She'll wake up around 7am, just nice for me to bring her downstairs and get ready for work.

I'm somewhat blessed because despite the pain during breastfeeding, my baby doesn't really like to do the comfort sucking, she just gets whatever she wants and let go. :)

People have been asking me, how long do I plan to continue breastfeeding my baby with all this pain? I really don't know. I guess as long as she wants it, and as long as I can handle the pain without resorting to painkillers to lessen the pain :)

Review on FPP Putrajaya Hospital

I'm trying my best to be neutral here. However, this review is based on my experience and my humble opinion only.

I have really high hopes upon checking in at the hospital. I dreamt of a single room where hubby and me could spend hours admiring our newborn baby and visitors can come and go as they please.

Well, that did not happen. First of all, the single room were not available anymore. I had to share a room with another patient (luckily, she's a wonderful roommate) BUT, I had to pay the normal room fee which is RM300 per night. I was pissed, but thank god this happen while I was still pregnant, so I took a deep breath, don't want to put too much stress on myself and just said okay.

The room was exactly like the normal ward, except that it was carpeted instead of the usual tiles. There was not much space and it felt stuffy at times. And, visitors still have to abide by the visiting hours which is 12.00pm to 2pm and 4pm to 8pm.

As for the service, it was great. The nurses were great and Dr Hamidah was a dream doctor. I'm really amazed by her stamina and energy because she had like 11 cases per day, and to top that off, she had been on-call since the day before. For a tiny little person that she is, she sure can carry a lot of responsibility.

Dr Hamidah explained every procedure to me. That is one more noticeable difference between the normal public service (which I experience giving birth to Sara) and this FPP thingy.

One more large difference is that, normal public service requires the patient to go to a special common room for any procedure (yes, including the painful dilation checking). Well, for FPP, you don't even have to move. The nurses and doctors will come to you :)

Upon checking out, I estimated my bill would be less than 2k, as I didn't require any extra procedure (no epidural, no vacuum etc..). BUT, my bill amounted to RM2,054.20. The two things that I was most dissatisfied was the charge on "consultation fee (after-office hours)" RM360 and "obstetrical procedures spontaneous vertex" RM600. I mean, I was in the ward for two days; why do you have to visit me outside of the normal office hours and charge that to my account? And, I was already charged on the labour room, ward, lab, medicines and consultation, surely the procedure of giving birth itself is already covered right?

My roommate, who had a c-sect, had a bill of RM3,500 which I think was a very reasonable price for the procedure. But, whatever it is, I think the service was well worth it and I'd recommend FPP for those who wanted to deliver in public hospital. And it does state on the bill that the charge is not final, so I guess I could have argued about the charged if I wanted to, which I don't.

Sara is THREE!!

My little angel turned three last January. And only now I had the time to properly update on her. She is such a joy to be with, simply because she is such a chatterbox, and the things she said, the stories she tells, is very engaging. She has a very high imagination, and she loves to pretend talk on her imaginary handphone (she has two of those, black and pink) with her imaginary friends (Aurora, Jasmine or Ariel - yes, the Disney princesses)

She also has her moments that makes me want to rip her my hair off. Sometimes, she refuses to bathe in the evening, or hit me/my mum for no reason, or talk rudely to us, or the most annoying of all, pooped in her pants. Oy! I've had enough of her antics one time, and I said that I'd lock her outside the house if she pooped in her pants again. Do you know what she said?

"Nevermind. Sara not scared. Actually can poo-poo in the pants" Oh, really? Grrrrr.....

I left her outside and locked the grill door, and she cried her heart out. Hehe...I let her cry for about two minutes then I brought her in, put her on the toilet, and leave her to do her "big business". Heh. While I was washing her and put her clothes back on, I told her the reason I was mad, and that she shouldn't do that (pooped in her pants) anymore. She tearfully agree.

Once, she refuses to bathe, I scolded her, and I end up crying with her in the bathroom. In my defense, I was really tired that time and my emotions took the best of me ;p Both of us cried, said our sorries and hugged for the longest time...hehe...

We had sooo much fun during my long maternity leave (3 months plus) and she even said "Mummy, I love you very much when you take leave from work for so long" I asked whether she'd still love me when I return to work and she kept quiet. So, I had to explain to her that I will still play with her, go out with her but I need to go to work to pay for the house, car and other bills. She doesn't quite understand, so I told her I need to go to work to get money to buy her chocolate and that, she does comprehend ;)

Physically, she does NOT look like a three year old. She looked at least 5yo and she can even wear 7-8yo clothing. She weighs 22kgs and 105cm tall. Oh, she also refuses to cut her hair and she doesn't want to wear certain clothes (collared shirt) because she said it make her look like a boy.

I haven't sent her to any school or nursery because she repeatedly told me she doesn't want to go to school. Besides, she's just three :) But, she already knows all alphabets (capital letter and small letter) and can write from A to I, R, T, N, O, P (capital letter only).

She loves to read out loud any letters that we encounter. She seems interested in spelling and she always try to spell things (TRY is the operative word here). Because, when she saw me wearing a t-shirt that says "ASTRO", she'd go "Mummy...A...S...T...R...O....T-shirt?" Haha, no my dear, not t-shirt.

Or, she'd go "P...R....E...M...I...E...R.....tissue?" (the brand of our tissue is PREMIER).
Or, "T....E....N....biscuit?" (my dad bought her Ten10 biscuits)
Never fails to make us laugh, that kid ;)

She's not scared of strangers anymore, and can really converse with people (as long as you talk in English with her, she doesn't speak much Malay but she understands it). Sometimes, she'd say "Mummy, today I want to talk in Malay" and I'd say ok. It's sooo funny watching her try to talk in Malay because she'd go:

"Mummy, mari kita...umm..ummm...apa tu...apa tu..."
"Tell me what you want to say in English and I'll tell you the word in Malay"
"Find"
"Oh, cari"
"Ok, Mummy mari kita cari the toys"
"Toys is mainan in Malay"
"Ok, mari kita cari mainan Sara"

The funniest thing ever is when we agreed to talk in Malay during dinner time, and then I asked her to read doa makan (she knows how to recite doa makan since 2yo), so I was really surprised when she just kept still and quiet. "Sara, recite doa makan. You know how to recite doa makan kan?" And do you know what she replies? "But I don't know how to recite doa makan in Malay" Hahahaha...


She loves her sister very much. She does get jealous from time to time but she'd never hurt her sister and she was always so gentle with her. Sometimes, I caught her saying really random things to her sister "Dina, when you grow up, we don't cut our hair ok? We must keep our hair long, like Ciksu and Cikngah. Don't cut your hair short like Mummy ok?" *__*

And, she loves to imitate Dina (yup, the elder daughter loves to imitate the younger daughter). Once, she came beside me and said "Mummy, come lie down beside Sara. I want to tell story to you" I happily agree and what she did was "rrrrrr....brrrrr....brrrr..." (you know the sound that baby makes when they are cooing and babbling?) Yup, she's imitating her sister.

Or, she would suddenly go on all fours, crawling to me and doing the baby sound. She even asked to drink my milk because "Dina said it tasted like chocolate". She asked me to put the milk that I pumped into a cup, because she wanted to taste it. Hehe.

My dear Sara, you never fail to amaze me with the things you said and discover, and even though sometimes I got really tired answering your endless questions, please know that I am forever thankful you chose to voice them out, rather than keeping it all in. The last three months is really special because I get to spent each waking moments with you, and we have become friends, instead of just mother and daughter. Love you, kiddo!

The VERY belated second birthday

Sara is going to be three tomorrow. I better get this post done before that :p

We held her second birthday sometime in January last year. I think it was 8th or 9th of January 2010. We had a small ceremony, as it was quite a last minute occasion. I had planned for sort of a cupcake-themed birthday and we made it happen even with the short amount of time we had to prepare.

We made cupcake shaped goodie bag for the guests, my mom sew cupcake shape on Sara's tutu dress, we even have a cupcake station (where the children can decorate their own cupcakes). I tried to make her a giant cupcake red velvet cake, but the cake looks like a giant glob of something (definitely not the shape of a cupcake). Oh well, at least it tasted delicious.

Sara was a bit quiet at first because she just woke up from her nap but later, returned to her happy self. I know she won't remember the details of her birthday (she doesn't even care about the cupcake theme and whatnot), but it makes me satisfied that I've tried to provide her with everything I can even though it was a far cry from the image of cupcake party I had in my head.

We had a blast and my mom forbade me from ever again having a cupcake party because the icing on the carpet was sooo hard to clean. Everybody had fun, and that's what matters most, no? :)

Circle-circle thing

About two months ago, my cousin came with her baby boy to our house. She changed her baby's diaper in front of Sara.

Sara just watched her and didn't say anything at the time. Last month, while we were talking together, Sara asked me:

"Mummy, remember the other day Mak Lin came to our house with the baby to see Dina?"

"Yes, I remember"

"Then, Mak Lin changed the baby's pampers kan?"

"Yes"

"Why the baby got circle-circle thing?"

"Circle-circle thing?"

"Yes, circle-circle thing. Here" pointing to her private parts.

Oh. That circle-circle thing. Apparently, she's referring to the baby's ehem, testicle.

Haha, what would you answer to that?

Rapunzel in the making :)

Yeah, I know...Look at the hair...so thick right? :)