There are moments...

There are moments you threw quite a hissy fit,

there are moments you refuse to eat.

There are moments I'm at my wits end,

deciphering your language which is difficult to comprehend.

There are moments you make me feel like a bad mother,

for losing my patience and making you suffer.

There are moments you cry for no reason,

and those moments are not very pleasant.

But then again,

There are moments you touch my face with your tiny hands,

as a way to dissipate my anger and make amends.

There are moments you came for a cuddle,

that would make my heart melt into a puddle.

There are moments you flash your one-million-dollar smile,

that makes everything seems so worthwhile.

There are moments you shower me with kisses,

those moments remind me that you're the one my heart misses.

Dina,

You are the cause of my frustration (sometimes!) and the source of my happiness.

I really love you, my lil button.

Cute as a button..

Introducing my button :)

The very belated third birthday and aqiqah for Dina

I am in the midst of drafting a post on the the kids' birthday when I realized I didn't even blog about their previous birthday. Haha. For memory's keepsake, here we go..

We had Dina's aqiqah and Sara's third birthday somewhere in December 2011. I even hired a photographer for the event and I have hundreds of photos that I found just now after rummaging through my very tidy workstation. We started off the ceremony with marhaban and the usual ritual for Dina's cukur jambul and continue with Sara's birthday celebration later in the evening.

 

Since this picture was taken, one got hitched and one lost 20kgs. Haha.

"Kakak, pujuk adik please..."

After she failed in her attempt to console her sister, she cried. Oh, well...

The cake that I made for Sara's birthday was the biggest cake I've ever baked. It was a three layer red velvet cake with whipped cream and cream cheese frosting. I used three recipes and 1 recipe is about 1.2kg so that makes the whole weight of the cake almost 5kgs.

Yep, my cake was THAT good. Haha.

One and Thirty-two

October has passed. And along with it, Dina's birthday and mine.

As usual, random busyness in the office happens. Events, meetings, papers, same old...same old.

What's new is that my daughter is ONE!! She walks and can understand simple instructions, but showing no signs of talking just yet.

My lil daughter, (or I call her kenit sometimes), if I have to say one word that describes her, it'd be "feisty". She has no fear at all, I tell you. Once, she fell and hit her head on our coffee table, and blood gushes out from her forehead. We freaked out, of course but luckily she was still breastfeeding then, so I just nursed her to calm her down. We decided not to bring her to the doctor as my motherly instinct told me that it was just a surface cut :)

...

I've written all that back in October 2012. And now its February 2013!! Hehe...better late than never, right? Anyways, I've resolved to just write whatever that has been happening for my own reference later. Things might not be in chronological order though :)

Anyways, feisty lil Dina is now 15 months young and still not talking. Haha. Exact opposite of kakak. She's active and doesn't seem to sit still for more than 5 minutes. And oh, I've stopped breastfeeding. :( I've stopped due to various reasons/excuses namely my milk production has dropped tremendously. Not a moment my breast felt full and I can only express about 1-2 ounces each session.

Lucky for me Dina is able to wean off and take formula milk easily. She's still very petite though. At 1 year+, her weight is only 10kgs and giving her food gets us soooo frustrated at times. To say that she's a picky eater would be an exaggeration, but she just doesn't eat much. She eats almost everything, but in four or five mouthful ONLY. Gahhh! She's lucky she has that cute lil face that can get away with almost anything :)

And oh, Dina has a strong aversion to...swimming pool. Haha, I know, funny right? For all her bravado and feisty-ness, she's scared of puddles of water. Haha. Look what happened when she's near swimming pool.

Yep, she'd cry, feigning tantrum and at last, got tired of her own antics and falls asleep. Haha!

I'm abruptly ending this post here with a promise to post more things that have been happening since I last write. Trip to hello kitty, trip to Pulau Sibu, their birthdays, trip to Aquaria, losing my handphone etc etc...

Between Dina cutting her first tooth and my sudden drop in milk production :(

I've been having quite a rough couple of weeks. I was often tired, and in a constant bad mood. I felt feverish and had quite a few episode of stomach cramps. And I could only get about 5-6oz per session of pumping. My breastmilk stock is rapidly depleting and yes, I was stressed about it.

And then, I had some spotting, so I thought oh, maybe my milk dropped due to my fever and my first period. But, the pattern continues until yesterday, my period really came and boy oh boy...I've never felt so uncomfortable in my life. After 1 1/2 year of no menses, I was totally unprepared for it. Hello hormones, hello stomach cramps (whoever said that you won't get stomach cramps after giving birth is spewing total b*llsh*t..haha).

Anyways, on a more positive side, my baby has cut her first tooth. Actually it happened a month ago, but as usual, my laziness took the better of me :) She's awfully clingy and whiny but totally cute so that kinda makes up for it.

In a blink of an eye

November 2011...

Seven months later...

Time really does fly huh?

All About Dina

I admit, I'm guilty of the "second-child syndrome". Let's see, the label "Sara" in my blog has about 80 entries, whereas "Dina" only has 3 measly entries. Hehe. Okay, this entry is going to be all about Dina. I promise :). Hmm, let's see...she can now roll over (from both sides) successfully.

My baldy girl...this is her right after we shave off her locks

And this is her two days after...the hair grows back sooooo fast :)

Its true what they said that time flew by so fast when you have a baby. In the blink of an eye, my little baby is already 5 1/2 months and the best part is I'm still breastfeeding her. And its getting better, I can smile when I nurse her now, the pain is almost gone *big smile*. Both Dina and me, we have sacrificed a lot on this breastfeeding thing (she had to undergo the frenotomy procedure, I had to endure the prolong nipple pain) and I refuse to give up. So, here's to hoping this journey will continue until at least two years.

And oh, I've started her on solid food. A bit early, I know, but to each her own, okay :) Actually, I'd like to elaborate more on this. Almost every blog I read especially those hardcore breastfeeding momma insist on only giving breastmilk exclusively for the first six month. Well, I'm not that exclusive. Apart from breastfeeding Dina, I have occasionally spoon her with warm water especially when she has hiccups.

And I have manage to raise one healthy daughter before Dina, and I fed her with solid food at 5 months, I actually felt confident starting Dina on solid food (she's already 5 1/2 months). I do get "pressured" reading all the mommy blogger feeding their child with varieties of Annabel Karmel's recipe and whatnot but then, I stopped reading and decided to continue doing what I did with Sara. After all, she did grow up fine and healthy, right?

**********************************************

Okay, all of the above was drafted two weeks ago...hehe...Now, Dina is already 6 months, and she's beginning to lift her bottom...getting herself ready to crawl :)

And, even though I promised this is going to be all about Dina, I couldn't resist putting up this pic...I think sisters in identical clothes are adorable... ;)

Adelya Qasdina - The Birth Story

Okay, now that I think I am in a better state of mind (but still experiencing the sharp piercing pain from breastfeeding), I am finally ready to tell this chapter of my life story.

My labor experience was a beautiful one. I had what they would call a precipitate labor (very rapid labor. Oh, it comes with its own set of risks but thankfully, I didn't know about it beforehand).

"Short, Fast Labor (Precipitate Labor)

A precipitate labor is normally very short, lasting less than three hours. A precipitate labor has its own special problems and challenges. The duration of the labor may appeal to you, but you may not notice the signs of the labor in the latent phase thereby missing the early signs of labor. Suddenly, you will be thrown into active, hard labor without time to prepare psychologically. The first noticeable contractions can be long and crushingly intense, and accompanied by feelings of panic and confusion."

On 19th October 2011, I had to check myself in the hospital because I had not yet show any sign of delivery. Since I had diabetes, the doctor does not allow me to past my due date; which is 20th October 2011.

So, at 6.00am, 20th October 2011, I was induced. Nothing new there (because I experienced that with Sara) BUT, it did felt a little bit painful. I had two rounds of check-ups using the CTG machine, and my contractions are progressing. Great, that means I won't have to be induced for the second time.

At 2.30pm, Dr Hamidah came and my dilation was only at 3cm, so she asked me casually "Do you want to give birth today? I can help you if you do, but it will be a little painful". Hmm, well, okay doc, bring it on. She did the membrane sweep and yeah, it was painful. It did struck my mind that I was completely aware and alert of all the pain I'm feeling this time around. Back then, with Sara, I was blissfully ignorant.

The nurse told me that they would wheel me to the labour room at 3.30pm. I bathe, perform solat, recite a bit of Quran and walk around the ward to speed up my dilation.

3.40pm - reached the labour room and was attached to the CTG machine for 20 minutes. A doctor came and explained to me that I had to decide whether I'm going to take the epidural injection or not. I told her that the pain is still bearable, but I might change my mind if the pain gets worse. Hehe. She told me I had to decide there and then because my dilation was at 4cm and they had to book the doctor early. I politely decline. I have nothing against taking the epidural injection but the thought of having to poke a big-ass needle in between my spine is much more scarier than facing the contraction pain.

4.00 - 5.15pm - I drifted in and out of sleep. Oh, I did take the ethonox gas. Twice. Doesn't make much difference though. I think (for Muslim) you're better off reciting the "doa Nabi Yusof". At 5.15pm, the doctor thought that I might need another induction, so they hook me to the drip and injected painkillers on my hip. (Hey, that rhymes ;p)

-- What goes on from here onwards is really embarrassing for me. I, err...lost my cool (to put it mildly) but in my defence precipitate labour does cause panic and confusion (as explained in the orange font above ;p)--

5.30pm - Suddenly, I feel like something moved in my stomach, sort of like something fell down from my tummy to my uterus. And after that, came the excruciating pain. Whoa, this is not normal. I screamed to hubby "Get the nurse!!" and I was thrashing in the bed from the pain. (It was sooo embarrassing, I was literally thrashing and almost took out all the drips and machine they put on me).

The nurse came in and because I was that hysterical, she had to scream at me "PUAN! SABAR! JANGAN MACAM NI! TENGOK SAYA!". I remember thinking, if this is not the time yet, I want epidural. Now. The nurse checked my dilation and her face changes. She rushed out to call the doctor and everything, everyone moved sooo fast.

The nurse grabbed a hold of my hand "PUAN! TENGOK SAYA OK. KITA BUAT SAMA-SAMA. BILA SAYA CAKAP PUSH, PUAN TARIK NAFAS, DAGU SENTUH KE DADA, PUSH SEKUAT HATI." I was like, oh, its time? Now? I'm really giving birth?

I pushed twice, and the third time, the baby came out at exactly 5.45pm. And because there was no drugs on me this time (the painkiller have not yet taken effect), I was fully alert and aware of everything. I saw the baby came out, I can hear the suction thingy that they use on the baby and then they took the baby away (don't ask me, I really don't know why).

The doctor then told me that my baby came out with her fists first (like knocking the door) and she weighed 3.05kgs. She told me to relax my body because she's taking out the placenta. (hmm, I thought the placenta came out with the baby?) She pressed and massage the top bit of my tummy and the placenta safely came out.

I had first degree tear and there were stitches. But, it was not very painful (as compared to the contractions I felt earlier). And then, my baby was delivered back to me. And I fed her for the first time. And it hurts like hell. But, thank god that the painkillers have started to take effect so I was more sleepy than in pain.

The nurse came to check on me and she told me she's sorry for screaming at me. She said even she was panicked to see me "lost control" like that. Tee hee. I also said that I was sorry for losing it. And I thank her for grabbing a hold of the situation, even if it means screaming at me. See, who said that public nurses are grumpy? I think negative perception towards government/public hospitals are overrated.

So, there you have it...the story of how I lost my cool and delivered a beautiful bundle of joy. I think she looks exactly like her sister, but with much thicker and longer hair :)

Oh, when my hubby wheeled Dina to meet the rest of my family waiting outside the labor room, I can hear Sara screaming "Hey, I want to see my sister!" (because she was short and everybody else is blocking her view ;p)