Breastfeeding - the ugly truth

I know, I know...I haven't properly introduce my second princess, I haven't update on the birth story but this story on breastfeeding deserves to be told first.

I expected breastfeeding to be painful (I experienced it during Sara, and I gave up, remember?). What I didn't expect was the pain to last this long. I'm on my last day of confinement and I'm NOT jumping with joy because breastfeeding is STILL PAINFUL.

This time around, I really prepared myself. I rubbed lanolin (Medela Purelan) on my nipple from the very first day. The problem is, even by then, my nipples are already in pain. From the first moment my baby latch on me, I could feel the pain.

Day 1 - Still in hospital, all nurses come and help me to breastfeed but even they don't quite understand how I can be in sooo much pain and why my nipple was such in a bad state.

Day 2 - was discharged. Kept on breastfeeding my baby. The pain was excruciating. I put hot oil on my back, popped painkillers to help alleviate the pain.

Day 3 - my confinement lady arrived, and even she was flabbergasted with my nipple and breastfeeding problem. Everyone thought it was because my milk hasn't come in yet and the baby was suckling too hard.

Day 5 - called another masseur, she came and help and sure enough, my milk has come in but due to the condition of the nipple, I suffered from blocked ducts. (Oh, I've tried pumping, using 3 different pumps : Spectra, Avent and Ameda Lactaline but NOTHING works)

Day 6 - called susuibu.com, asked for help and thankfully there was this one volunteer who lived nearby my house and came to help me. She taught me how to get a good latch and proper positioning.

Day 7-24 - Still in constant pain. No matter what I do, the pain won't dissipate. Asked for help from a dear friend to buy me a nipple shield and I think I've tried about every remedy suggested. Had engorgement and almost fainted, I was feverish and was fatigued all the time. But still, I kept breastfeeding my baby. Its like I have to choose between two types of pain : The sharp, burning pain from the nipple or the whole body pain of engorgement. From time to time, I had to express my milk using hand express until my hands went numb. Oh, there was this one time I felt excruciating pain and had to release my baby using my pinkie finger and suddenly I saw blood gushing out from my nipple and on my baby's mouth. Oy, the trauma was indescribable.

Day 25 - engorgement got sooo bad, had to call the masseur again, she helped cleared up the blocked ducts and suggested I go see a lactation consultant.

Day 27 - went to a lactation consultant (LC) and got to the root of the problem. MY BABY HAS TONGUE-TIE!!!! I won't go into details but tongue-tied baby have difficulties to extend their tongue past the lower gumline, therefore making it VERY painful everytime she breastfed. And for the first time throughout my painful breastfeeding journey, I cried. Haha. The LC referred me to another LC who is also a pediatrician for more thorough assessment. And oh, Sara also have tongue-tied, that's why breastfeeding her was soooo painful (Thank god I have that cleared up, because I always have this sense of guilt everytime I look at her and knowing that I failed to breastfeed her)

Day 28 - Got all ready to meet Dr Koe, only to be informed that she will be on leave for the entire week. Oh, just my luck :(

Day 32 - Went to Dr Koe's clinic, had to go through the worst traffic jam ever at MEX highway (Yeah, I never expected traffic jam would occur in MEX highway either!!) and had to wait for almost three hours at Dr Koe's clinic because apparently, she is the go-to doctor for problems in breastfeeding. She diagnosed my baby with tongue-tie and asked me whether I want to do the frenotomy procedure (snipping a bit of your baby's "tie" under the tongue. The procedure is not dangerous and even safer than circumcision, so I said yes. I had actually read up all I can about the procedure so I felt confident and safe)

Day 33-40 - I don't expect the nipple pain to magically disappear, but it has been a week and I finally figured that my baby has developed a habit when breastfeeding. She doesn't know that now she can extend her tongue to cup the lower areola and therefore, she did what she always do, grazed my nipple EVERYTIME she fed. Oh my. I had to go back to Kuantan for my sis-in-law wedding and can you imagine going to a kenduri with your breast (nipple) in constant pain. I got so stressed out, even the quality of my milk dropped and they became sooo thin, like plain water. So, the baby got hungry and started demanding to be fed every half an hour. Went to another LC in Kuantan and she suggested I take Shaklee to boost my milk and make it more thick, thus helping the baby to not get hungry every so often. I also tried pumping using Medela Swing and amazingly, I managed to express my milk. But, the pain to my nipple is still there. HUWAAAA!!!

Day 44 (today) - yeah, still in pain. We'll just see how this goes, okay? In the meantime, do pray that I get better, please...

P/S - will update on the baby and the birth story once I feel better. Just a note to those with bf problems as well, please do get professional help before its too late..

And oh, the ONLY silver lining in my dark breastfeeding cloud is I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight. And that is just within the first 20 days. Guess pain really can make you lose weight :)